Where · is · my · mind?

I made a list of things I wanna do this summer. I posted it on facebook as well. I really wanna try to do all or many.

What I would like to do this summer. The goal is to spend as much time outside with the people I love as much as possible.

The list;

-Visit Montreal for the first time! Tam and Tara and Dan I'm looking at you!
-Go to Philly with Emily G. the G stands for Gangsta.
-See some concerts! Preferably the free ones, Even better the outdoor ones! (prospect park summerstage anyone?)
- Plant some flowers
-Drive on the beach with Di and Jason
- Go hiking. Everywhere.
-Get a taste of real upstate NY visiting Leta and Lou in Plattsburgh
-Visit the ladies of Long Island; Denise and Emily I hope you are ready for me
- Take a trip to Cape Cod
- Go back West, drive up 101
- Spend more time at the shore
- Camp out!
-See you!

new music

i enjoy singing about my period, alcoholics, and the golden girls much more than my feelings

http://www.myspace.com/thankuforbeingafriend

- First weekend in a while where I felt relaxed, caught up on sleep/me time
- Both parents are home recovering very slowly
- Took the internship, once a week almost 2 hour commute to Park Slope. Its expensive to work for free these days. Only giving myself 3 months but hoping to learn a lot. check it out if interested http://www.seasidelounge.com/
- Lost my spot as a drummer for a band. Sucks. SHOULD focus on my music but I'm not into it.
- Possibly getting freelance work at a studio in Katonah which is why...
- I'm not taking the other lifeguarding job so I can leave myself a flexible schedule. I am turning down more money and a more chill environment but I can't comit to life guarding for real.
- Still considering taking lots of time off for the summer to travel. Or at least take some mini trips.
- Can't decide if I want to buy cowboy boots or not!
- Whats up?

Recent events and future decisions in easy to read format

-Dad is recovering from open heart surgery
-Mom is currently recovering from cancer surgery @ Sloane Memorial Kettering in NYC
-Just finishing up getting over a nasty stomach virus from last week
- With the help of my gf I still managed to find a way to see Beirut + Kaki King @ Bam while my brother was in the hospital for a concussion

Future (?) Things I cannot decide on. Maybe wanna do?

New Job. More hours More pay. Earlier day. Less flexible.
http://kohud.kendal.org/Default.aspx

Possible one day a week internship @ a studio in far ass park slope
http://www.seasidelounge.com/

Americorps and or working @ Rock Camp for Girls in Portland
http://www.girlsrockcamp.org/

Taking on of these
http://www.greentortoise.com/adventure.travel.html

Music? Who really wants to record and play with me, what do I want to pursue with music?

Straight up not working for awhile and either traveling or figuring shit out.

Lot on the brain. Thoughts/suggestions?

I'm always on the fence with astrology. Sometimes I'm into, sometimes i'm not.
But I read the best damn horoscope I've ever read in a free hippy magazine in a coffee shop right after my dad went into the hospital.
Thanks "Inner Realm"

Goes something like this

Virgo
Handing hard work and responsibilities seem to be easier in this New Year although the burdens just don't lighten up as you may wish. Health issues should be deal with quickly to avoid complications in the future. Perhaps being a bit depressed or unsettled as the month begins will keep you confused and frustrated, but things do calm down as the month continues. Getting yourself to take a new educational course, study a new philosophy or think about your travel plans will help you realize that this is not all that there is. Life can be fun if you lighten up! This will be a wonderful year for you once you get all the nuisances identified and dealt with. Many positive opportunities will be coming your way if you are open to change and doing things from a different perspective.

After 10 days in the hospital my dad comes home tomorrow to continue recovery. In one week my mom will go into the hospital and start heres. When does life start?

Nothing in this family goes according to planned. My patience is tried and I am tired.

My mom was supposed to go into surgery this Friday to remove the cancer. Today my dad is rushed to Westchester Medical for open heart surgery. This most likely means my mom will cancer her surgery.

I was planning on making my next post about my goals for 09. This happened first.

I do not update very much because I try to keep lj positive and since I myself am not a fan of reading negative lj entries I try to do the same. I pass on this one, sorry kids.

That is that.

Oh yeah, happy obama.

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4. What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

Also I am playing this TONIGHT!

2008

For me, 2008 was a year of great personal accomplishment and change. I feel as if I have grown the most this past year than any other. The last few months of 2008 have been a difficult and trying time for both myself and most of the country. However I feel this will only bring more change in the new year...I hope. My list of accomplishments, changes, and roadblocks of 2008

- Successfully weened off Effexor completely, after being medicated for over 6 years
- Took out my first loan.
- Played in Manhattan for the first time and continued to play there 5 more times within the year
- Photographed naked for the Independent
- Graduated from Purchase College Summa Cum fucking Laude in May
- The birth of Toxic Shock Syndrome and Serra Tonin
- Started gigging as a DRUMMER (a new instrument to me) with The Dandy Lions and Rachel Browne
- Interned at two professional recording studios/learned how expensive working for free really is
- Began a new relationship after two years single
- Hiked up Mohonk and Minnewaska
- Embarked on a two week trip to California (my dream state since high school) on my own, opening my eyes up to a world of traveling.
- Sea Kayaked
- Swam in the Pacific Ocean
- Took up Yoga and drum lessons.
- Moved back home to Ossining.
- Mom diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. Lots of chemo, lots of radiation, lots of hospital visits.
- Settled for a crappy job lifeguarding in order to make money and still there after lack of finding a job.
- Witnessed voting for a candidate I truly believed in win!

And there you have it, most of 2008 for ya. Surely has been an interesting ride. Thanks to everyone who was a part of it. Visions of 09 still to come.

Long story short, my anxiety issues are worse than I could ever remember them being right now. I've relied on ambien or melatonin for the past week and a half to sleep at night. Taking care of my body doesnt seem to help it. (Cut caffeine, alcohol, i'm exercising, vitamins..)

So I called my therapist I used to see at school, looking into seeing her privately. However her "discount" price is 150 a session. Thats tough for me. It takes at least 3 days of my 5 day work week to make that. I'm not sure if its worth it right now, but I'm having difficulties in figuring out what to turn to.

Do you think its worth it?
If you're answer is "only you can decide" don't respond.
Thanks.

So proud, so happy and hopeful.
Unfortunately Californians voted yes on Prop 8 (and i thought you guys were cool...)

Yes I was there

I would like to go back to therapy. I was going consistently at school once or every other week. I miss it.

Too bad I don't have the funds!

I spend way too much time on the internet. My internet usage has increased tenfold since I've graduated college. I think we all can figure out why.

I believe the internet, and lack of reading due to my major is the reason why I have a difficult time reading/finishing books, and focusing in general. It also does not help my eyes or my arms, and has contributed to utter laziness.

As of right now I've downloaded a program to restrict internet usage from a number of sites I frequent to 12 minutes every 12 hours. I can cut it down even more in the future. Unfortunately I haven't found a way to restrict aim usage, unless I purchase some parenting software so I'll have to work on that.

Hopefully I can start reading and playing guitar more again like the olden days...wish me luck.

Its that time of year again. No not back to school, the days of back to school are long gone. It's Xtina birthday time of year, and I'd like you to be a part of it.

My birthday is this Wed, the 10th. I'll be 22. Nothing will be as epic as my 21st birthday week but I still would like to celebrate and have a good time.

I'm thinking Wed maybe sushi lunch? Or a picnic? Or Dinner? This sounds like a date...well I'd like to do something on my actual bday but nothing crazy.

Then this upcoming weekend I'm trying to get a bash together. A drunken rowdy bday bash. Friday the 12th or Sat. the 13th?
If its the 13th it can rival the Purchase bro toga party across the st. Whatever night the bash isn't may be a good night to hit the bar. Any suggestions?

If anyone has ideas/would like to be a part of the bday celebratin let me know!

Back from California, a lovely trip, I plan on making a little scrapbook of the trip (i've never entered the realms of scrapbooking should i do it?) and sharing my stories with anyone who cares to listen.

However upon return I feel lazy, tired, and slightly apathetic. After visiting Purchase I felt depressed, old, out of place, and nostalgic.

Summer is over, need a fresh start, my to do list on this "fresh start."

-Buy some new clothes. I never ever buy clothes, I've been wearing the same clothes for years.
- new haircut. maybe something different, change it up.
- start working at club fit to make some money
- drum lessons
- copyright my music
- play more shows/write more music?
- more creative approach to getting a job in my field

New Xtina coming soon